Questions to Ask Relatives: 60+ Prompts

Article Snapshot

Extended family members often hold pieces of family history that your immediate family doesn't know
Questions organized for aunts and uncles, cousins, and older relatives
Tips for getting past small talk at family gatherings
How to preserve the stories you hear

Extended family gatherings tend to follow the same pattern. Someone asks about your job. Someone comments on how much the kids have grown. The same surface-level conversations happen year after year.

But your relatives carry stories you've never heard. Your aunt knows things about your parents' childhood. Your uncle remembers family members who died before you were born. Your cousins have perspectives on grandparents that differ from yours.

These questions help you move beyond small talk and learn the family history that connects you.

For more conversation starters organized by specific relationships, see our complete questions to ask family members guide.

Questions to Ask Aunts and Uncles

Your aunts and uncles grew up alongside your parents. They know stories your parents might never share, and they experienced your grandparents differently than you did.

About Their Childhood

What was it like growing up with my mom/dad?
What was my parent like as a kid? Any stories I haven't heard?
What did you and my parent fight about?
Who was the troublemaker among the siblings?
What was your childhood home like?
What traditions did your family have that we've lost over time?
What was the neighborhood like where you grew up?

About Your Grandparents

What were my grandparents like as parents?
What did you learn from your parents that you still carry?
What do you wish you'd asked your parents before they passed?
Is there a story about my grandparents I probably haven't heard?
How did your parents meet?
What was the hardest thing your parents went through?

About Family History

What do you know about our ancestors that I might not?
Are there any family stories that should be passed down?
Why did our family end up where we did?
Are there any family mysteries or unanswered questions?
What relatives do you wish I'd gotten to meet?

About Their Own Life

What's something most of the family doesn't know about you?
What was the best decision you ever made?
What would you do differently if you could?
What are you most proud of?

Questions to Ask Cousins

Cousins often share grandparents but have completely different perspectives on family. They experienced family events from a different angle.

About Shared Family

What do you remember most about our grandparents?
What's your favorite memory from family gatherings when we were kids?
Did you have different rules at your house than we did?
What stories did your parents tell about our grandparents?
What's something about our family that surprised you when you got older?

About Growing Up

What was your childhood like?
What did you want to be when you grew up?
What's the biggest way your life turned out different than you expected?
What's the best advice you've gotten from someone in our family?

About Staying Connected

What family traditions do you still keep?
What do you hope our kids learn from being part of this family?
Is there anything about our family history you wish you knew more about?

Questions to Ask Older Relatives

Great-aunts, great-uncles, and older family members are often the last living links to earlier generations. They remember people and events that will otherwise be forgotten.

What was our family like when you were young?
Who are the oldest relatives you remember? What were they like?
What historical events do you remember living through?
How has our family changed over your lifetime?
What traditions have we lost that you miss?
What was it like where our family came from?
Is there a relative whose story you think we should all know?
What do you know about why our family immigrated or moved?
What was daily life like when you were young?
What do you wish younger generations understood?
How did you meet your spouse?
What are you most proud of in your life?

Questions for Any Relative

These work for almost anyone at a family gathering.

What's a family recipe you know that we should preserve?
What's a funny story from a past family gathering?
Who in our family do you think I should talk to more?
What family tradition means the most to you?
What do you think makes our family unique?
What values do you think our family shares?
Is there a piece of family history you've always wanted to know more about?
What's the best thing about being part of this family?

Tips for Family Gathering Conversations

Getting relatives to open up takes the right approach.

Start one-on-one. Group settings make deeper conversations harder. Find moments to talk with individual relatives away from the crowd.

Use what you're doing. Looking at old photos, helping in the kitchen, or walking after dinner create natural conversation openings.

Ask about specific people or events. "What was Grandpa like?" is too broad. "What did you and Grandpa do together?" gets better answers.

Show genuine interest. Put your phone away. Ask follow-up questions. People share more when they feel heard.

Don't force it. If someone doesn't want to talk about something, let it go. Not every gathering needs to be a deep interview.

Record when appropriate. If a relative is telling great stories and seems comfortable, ask if you can record on your phone. Their voice telling the story is as valuable as the story itself.

What to Do with the Stories

Stories heard at family gatherings often get forgotten unless you do something with them.

Take notes after. Write down key details, names, and dates while they're fresh.

Share with family. Send a summary to siblings or cousins who might want to know.

Ask follow-up questions later. If something surprised you, call or email that relative to learn more.

Consider a family project. Recording video interviews with older relatives creates something future generations will treasure.

Don't Wait for the Next Gathering

Family members age. Health declines. The relative who knows everything about your great-grandparents might not be at the next reunion.

You don't need a holiday to ask questions. A phone call, a visit, or even a thoughtful email can open conversations that preserve family history.

For more questions organized by relationship, life theme, and occasion, explore our complete questions to ask family members guide with 640+ conversation starters.

Questions to Ask Relatives: 60+ Prompts for Family Gatherings